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March 06, 2005

Query Letters

So you think you have what it takes to write a Hollywood script do you?

You think you can do better than such literary works as this?

"Lips that touched meat would never touch hers...Tastes change.

An animal rights activist, an altruistic woman, confronts the hedonistic king of burger franchises. Her vehement protests rock the CEO's carefree world. When his significant other/company president launches a "Meat Builds Strong Bodies" campaign, she grabs the apathetic man's attention by herding cattle through his office. Her compatriots carry signs proclaiming, 'Get To Know Your Dinner.' The pampered CEO stands for everything the ardent crusader hates. But that doesn't stop them from falling in love. Their worlds collide, creating comic conflict and chaos."

I`d pay good money to see something like that, especially if it were an Action/Adventure starring Arnold Schwartzenneger, James Garner, Jane Fonda and Susan Sarandon.
Good money I say.

Or you think you could do better than this Sci-Fi/Adventure plot?

"There is a shark planet formed by water only, in another galaxy! Its ruler king, together with his evil sharkies, which have now been upgraded, but still have red eyes and chicken feet, send a starship to earth, to kidnap a boy and his friends, bringing them to Sharkos, to sit trial before all evil sharkies! But, the king is betrayed by his own cousin, who in fact, is Space Shark! Will the boy and his friends be able to persuade the king that he can become a major rock star on earth, with his band THE SHARKS? How will the kids ever return home? Will Space Shark help them?"

If you really, really, really, really want to know what kind of plots get sent in for Hollyweird movies, go here.

If you think you can come up with better stuff than that but don`t want to send it in, post your movie plot idea in the comments.

Try to keep them semi-short, and if there`s more than one by Friday the panel of judges (not chosen yet) will select a winner.
If there`s more than 2 the winner will recieve a PRIZE!!! (also, not chosen yet)

Thanks to Chris for this very cool tip.

What are you waiting for?
Get busy writing ideas.

- Joatmoaf -

March 6, 2005 at 02:30 PM | Permalink


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Tracked on Mar 7, 2005 8:26:23 AM


A cold killing machine trained in the snowy mountains of Japan has come to Los Angeles to avenge the death of his master. To accomplish his mission, he must find the one link to his master's assassin, a ten year old rap prodigy. Through a series of misadventures, the killer ninja learns how to feel alive and the rapper learns that there's more to life than gold chains and rims that spin. Soundtrack by Ace of Bass.

Posted by: Chris Naron at Mar 6, 2005 6:51:52 PM

Oh, I forgot the title: "What Up, My Ninja?"

Posted by: Chris Naron at Mar 6, 2005 6:53:09 PM

Good one.

Posted by: Joatmoaf at Mar 6, 2005 9:10:50 PM

A young woman works in an upscale clothing store. There is a male mannequin
who witnesses a murder in the store and they have to solve the mystery...except how does she convince people he is 'real?' Will they fall in love? Will the murder be solved and the killer caught? Will the mannequin like
being alive?

Title: In a Pyg's Eye

An ancient story with a modern riff.

Posted by: Cricket at Mar 7, 2005 11:32:17 AM

Good stuff, keep 'em comming.

Posted by: Joatmoaf at Mar 7, 2005 12:01:56 PM

That is ancient. Like Kim Catrell Ancient.

Posted by: chris naron at Mar 7, 2005 1:37:10 PM

A homeless man walking down a city bike path happens upon a pair of discarded panties. Whose panties are they? How did they come to this tragic fate? He embarks on a cross-country journey to return them to their rightful owner. Along the way, he meets a wide range of interesting characters, and learns a little about himself in the process.

Posted by: Liberal Larry at Mar 9, 2005 1:10:41 PM

A homeless man walking down a city bike path happens upon a pair of discarded panties. Whose panties are they? How did they come to this tragic fate? He embarks on a cross-country journey to return them to their rightful owner. Along the way, he meets a wide range of interesting characters, and learns a little about himself in the process.

Posted by: Liberal Larry at Mar 9, 2005 1:11:07 PM

Oh, and it turns out that the panties really belonged to someone famous, like Jennifer Lopez. The homeless man is tested when a tabloid offers him millions for the panties, but in the end he does the right thing and returns them to J-Lo, who is so touched by his noble and selfless act that she marries him on ther spot.

Posted by: Liberal Larry at Mar 9, 2005 1:19:22 PM

A young man, resembling a beanpole with a gigantic head joins the Armed Forces, goes to war and shoots an unarmed villager in the ass as he runs off scared s**tless. The young man, resembling a beanpole claims the villager tried to kill him, but really, the villager just was just wandering through the jungle, and noticed a man resembling a beanpole and wanted to say hello and that he resembled a beanpole with a gigantic head. Man resembling a beanpole, cannot understand what the villager is saying, claims the villager is threatening his life. He gets awarded for his actions.

The young man resembling a beanpole with a gigantic decides he wants to run a country...He loses.

The title of this story.

Thank God, GW is President.

Where's my prize?

Posted by: Emma at Mar 9, 2005 8:25:48 PM

So that is where my panties were! With a homeless man in NYC who had the mentality of Forrest Gump. I was almost frozen off of J-Lo's backside.

Posted by: J-Lo's butt at Mar 10, 2005 5:19:32 PM

One day while surfing the Internet a man comes across a blog and begins reading. There's something strange about it, but he can't quite put his finger on it. After a few days of reading, he realizes that it's his voice, his thoughts, everything he could or would write, post after post.

After about a week he realizes something strange - when ever he is reading that particular blog, the date is always advanced on his PC and on the blog by exactly one year.bsessively, he is now reading his own biography, written precisely one year ahead of his actual life - or so he would suppose. The names are different, places different, but the situations, emotions, comings and goings all mesh with precisely what his life could be a year away.

He tried everything to contact or trace the writer but to no avail. He interacts in comments with other people, musterious people and begins to learn that they all had a similar experience, but are now dead. Newspaper obituaries, insurance companies all confirm this. He manages to establish email contact with one fellow commenter just before he signs on one day and the blog is gone. He has six months to either come to understand the mystery, or perhaps simply die. Maybe both.

What will the email pal tell him? What clues can he uncover? Is he already a dead man? Where next will he turn?

Posted by: Dan at Mar 11, 2005 1:18:56 AM

Oops, sorry for the typos - I forgot a title. "Blog or Death"

Posted by: Dan at Mar 11, 2005 1:21:09 AM

This is a modification of L.L.'s story, meant to address the impracticality of fitting J.Lo's panties on the big screen, let alone lugging them all over the country:

A delusional, soon-to-be-homeless artist finds a pair of tighty-whities in a theme park. He makes it his goal to try to find the rightful owner by comparing them to all the little princes' underwear in the kingdom. Once, they almost match (and boy does THAT close call cost him!). Eventually, he finds a Gypsy boy and his mother who claim the undies, and the hero has to prove they don't belong to the Gypsies. Kind of like Cinderella... sort of... I guess.

There will be lots of sequels.

Posted by: Che Guevarito at Mar 15, 2005 2:32:14 PM