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March 04, 2004

Our Second Black President

Just when you think Dennis Kucinich is the only Candidate from Mars, Kerry comes out of left field with a statement that makes you wonder if one of those Purple Heart wounds was to the head...

stone_soul_kerry.jpg"President Clinton was often known as the first black president. I wouldn't be upset if I could earn the right to be the second," Kerry told the American Urban Radio Network.

What a putz.

Kevin Aylward at Wizbang is having a Photoshop contest for the best doctored photo of Kerry: our second Black President. This is pretty cheesy 'cause I'm under a deadline this week to get out that software manual (which of course means I'm doing everything but), but here goes. I'm terrible at graphics, but thought the sepia tones and grainy effect were rather retro. Actually they were the only thing I could think of to get his skin color darker... Not bad for 20 minutes.

Most of you will recognize the original from the recent Captain's Quarters caption contest. If anyone wants to take a shot at a new caption or some lyrics to go with the enhanced photo, have at it... I'll post the best entry.

- Cassandra

March 4, 2004 at 07:12 PM | Permalink


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Tracked on Mar 11, 2004 12:21:34 AM


I could be wrong, but given what I know about the time period, prevailing prejudices and human nature, I am guessing that there were people that called Lincoln the first black president. It may not have been intended as a compliment though.

Anyhoo, I thought I might be the reigning caption champ a while longer, but I have no fear, I am willing to put my belt on the line.....ppssssttt...manager, cupcakes right?

Posted by: Pile On at Mar 4, 2004 8:29:33 PM

Mr. On:

Your triumph will live forever in the halls of shame...err...infamy...err..wherever tales of great genius and daring are told.

Old farts forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But we'll remember, with advantages,
What feats of captioning you did that day!

Then shall your names,
Familiar in our mouths as household words-
Pile On, JarHeadDad, Greyhawk,
Be in our flowing mugs freshly rememb'red.

This story shall the good man teach his son;
And th'anniversry of the
Kerry Caption Contest shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But you Noble Gents in it shall be remembered-

You few, you happy few, you band of brothers;
For you who captioned that twit Kerry that day
Were made as brothers; be you ne'er so vile,
That day hath gentled your condition;
And gentlemen on other blogs now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd
They were not there,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That Captioned Not upon the Contest Day.

Dang - I may have to get the rest of the names and post this...

Posted by: Cassandra at Mar 4, 2004 8:57:45 PM

I can't speak for Grayhawk or JarHeadDad, but I feel like I just sat for a portrait by one of the great masters.

Posted by: Pile On at Mar 4, 2004 10:23:45 PM

One of the great masters indeed!

Posted by: Sausage at Mar 4, 2004 10:24:38 PM

Some song titles come to mind:

Machine Gun - Jimi Hendrix

Eve of Destructin - Barry McGuire

Are you Going to San Francisco - Sorry another brain cell hit the bug lamp, can't remember who sang this work of art.

I'll think of some more tomorrow, excuse me, today, at work, while I'm supposed to be doing something productive.

Another thought, he looks like he just gave birth to that guitar.

Posted by: purple raider at Mar 5, 2004 1:38:09 AM

I don't know why you say you're terrible at graphics, that picture is a classic!

Posted by: Laura Z at Mar 5, 2004 4:05:28 AM

Thanks Laura :)

I had trouble with the 'fro. I stole it from The Ladies Man, and I had a hard time rotating it and resizing it and plopping it on Kerry's head.

Posted by: Cassandra at Mar 5, 2004 5:32:54 AM

When I was a liddle biddy baby
my Momma used to rock me in the cradle
in them ol' cotton sheets back home
It was up in our ol' mansion
I was always in the lastest fashion
in them ol' cotton sheets back home

Well when them cotton drawers gets clammy
you could heah me yell for Mammy
in them ol' cotton sheets back home
It was up in ah ol' mansion
We was always in the lastest fashion
in them ol' cotton sheets back home

Posted by: spd rdr at Mar 5, 2004 6:26:25 AM

Vietnam Vet: (sung to the tune of Eve of Destruction)

My leathery face
It is expanding
Wrinkles flaring
Botox fading
I need another treatment
But not from Dean
I Don't believe my hair
The helmet look is mean
And Denny K's tin hat is looking green

And I'll tell you over and over and over again my friend
Ah you don't believe I'm a Vietnam Vet.

This has been a world premier. I leave it up to all of you whether this effort is worth a Grammy.

Posted by: purple raider at Mar 5, 2004 5:23:21 PM

You guys are scaring me... :) Keep it coming.

I think you have Pile On running scared.

Posted by: Cassandra at Mar 5, 2004 8:14:09 PM

...or maybe he's just basking in memories of his former Snarkiness

Posted by: Cassandra at Mar 5, 2004 8:15:20 PM

So is this the official competition? Should I unmothball the snark cannons?

Posted by: Pile On at Mar 5, 2004 8:59:08 PM

Hey - only if you feel threatened...

Posted by: Cassandra at Mar 5, 2004 9:11:37 PM

And Kerry wants to be the first "Black and White" president:-- click my name.

Posted by: Colorado Kitty Cat at Mar 6, 2004 11:13:36 AM