March 04, 2007

Saving The Environment

Do you recycle?
Not only cans for the money, but paper, plastic, glass, hypodermic needles, condoms and anything else that could possibly be recycled?

Are you the type of person who will only drive your solar powered car if you have to go more than 20 miles, otherwise you'll ride your bicycle because you hate to waste solar energy?

If that is you then you need to see THIS VIDEO.

Go ahead, look at it.
You know you want to.


- Joatmoaf -

March 4, 2007 at 02:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack

January 25, 2007

A Musical Parody

This is from the Xena Netforum of about 10 years ago. It's an excellent example of what can be done with a popular TV program and some very clever contributors.
I bring you...

XENA MEETS GILBERT AND SULLIVAN

[We join our operetta already in progress. The infamous Pirates of Pergamum have just seized a bevy of beautiful Mytilenean maidens, and are attempting to carry them off for matrimonial purposes. Gabrielle intervenes, with a recitative (well, it's better than a pan flute solo):]

[Gabrielle] Hold, scoundrels! Ere ye practice acts of villainy
Upon the peaceful and agrarian,

Just bear in mind, these maidens of My-TIL-ene
Are guarded by a buff barbarian!


[Pirates] We'd better all rethink our cunning plan;
They're guarded by a buff barbarian.


[Maidens] Yes, yes, she is a buff barbarian.

[Xena leaps in from the wings, with a tremendous war cry, does a mid-air somersault, and lands on her feet on the Pirate King's chest.] [Xena] Yes, yes, I am a buff barbarian! [The orchestra starts up.]
I am the very model of a heroine barbarian;
Through Herculean efforts, I've become humanitarian.
I ride throughout the hinterland -- at least that's what they call it in

Those sissy towns like Athens (I, myself, am Amphipolitan).
I travel with a poet who is perky and parthenian
And scribbles her hexameters in Linear Mycenian
(And many have attempted, by a host of methods mystical,
To tell if our relationship's sororal or sapphistical).


[Chorus] To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphistical!
To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphistical!
To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphisti-phistical!


[Xena] My armory is brazen, but my weapons are ironical;
My sword is rather phallic, but my chakram's rather yonical

(To find out what that means, you'll have to study Indo-Aryan).
I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!


[Chorus] To find out what that means, we'll have to study Indo-Aryan --
She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!


[Xena] I wake up every morning, ere the dawn is rhododactylous

(Who needs to wait for daylight? I just work by sensus tactilis.)
And ride into the sunrise to protect some local villagers
From mythologic monsters or from all-too-human pillagers.
I hurtle towards each villain with a recklessness ebullient
And cow him with my swordwork and my alalaes ululient;
He's frightened for his head, because he knows I'm gonna whack it -- he's
Aware that his opponent is the Basileia Makhetes!

[The music crashes to a halt, as the Chorus stares at Xena in utter confusion. She sighs.] It's Greek. It means "Warrior Princess"! [Light dawns on the Chorus, and the music resumes.] Sheesh . . .

[Chorus] He knows that his opponent is the Basileia Makhetes!
He knows that his opponent is the Basileia Makhetes!

He knows that his opponent is the Basileia Makhe-makhetes,


[Xena] Because I've got my armor, which is really rather silly, on
(It's cut so low I feel like I'm the topless tow'rs of Ilion,
And isn't any use against attackers sagittarian).
I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!


[Chorus] It isn't any use against attackers sagittarian --
She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!


[Xena] In short, when I can tell you how I break the laws of gravity,
And why my togs expose my intermammary concavity,
And why my comrade changed her dress from one that fit more comfily

To one that shows her omphalos (as cute as that of Omphale),
And why the tale of Spartacus appears in Homer's versicon,

[She holds up a tomato:]
And where we found examples of the genus _Lycopersicon_,
And why this Grecian scenery looks more like the Antipodes,
You'll say I'm twice the heroine of any in Euripides!

[Chorus] We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripi-ripides!


[Xena] But though the kinked chronology, confusing and chimerical
(It's often unhistorical, but rarely unhysterical),

Would give a massive heart attack to any antiquarian,
I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!


[Chorus] 'Twould give a massive heart attack to any antiquarian --
She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!

[As the orchestra plays the final chords, a wild Xenaesque melee ensues, and the curtain has to be brought down.]

- Joatmoaf -

January 25, 2007 at 10:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 16, 2006

Jokes

The Pope Visits Alaska


The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest... The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"

"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Vermont and snatch another one?


The Purina Diet


I have a Labrador retriever and was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart, waiting in the check-out line. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, as the food is nutritionally complete. So, I was going to try it again....

...although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, especially a tall heavy man behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the middle of the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

The tall heavy man who was slurping on a coke proceeded to blow it out his nose.

- Joatmoaf -

November 16, 2006 at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

November 06, 2006

Poor Ignorant Soldiers

Helpus

Too dumb to know better.


- Joatmoaf -


November 6, 2006 at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBack

May 31, 2006

25 ÷ 5 = 14

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

Here's a video that proves 25 ÷ 5 = 14.

- Joatmoaf -

May 31, 2006 at 10:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 24, 2006

Pattern Of U.S. Military Operations Since World War II

From Strategy Page

A Washington think tank has announced a breakthrough in the search for a pattern in US military activities since World War II that might predict what the future missions of the US will be in the post-Cold War world.

"We think they are spelling out a message," explained an unnamed spokesperson. "Just look at the places where the US has fought: Korea, Vietnam, Libya, Iraq, Iran, El Salvador, Grenada, Nicaragua and Somalia.

If you rearrange the first letters of those countries, it spells 'ELVIS _S KING.' We just need to find another 'I' country to complete the message."

Who's next, Italy, India, Ireland, Indonesia . . . ?

Come on people! If you're like me and hate a mystery, or can't stand that empty blank in the sentence, or if you're just a huge Elvis fan, help me out.

What country that begins with an "I" can we attack?

P.S. I have a little test for you.

What Rock Legend is quoted as saying this; "The only thing worse than a Phrenchman is a Phrenchman in Canada" ?


- Joatmoaf -


May 24, 2006 at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 22, 2006

Things You Thought You Knew

Are you the kind of person who knows it all?
Do you think that you would clean the board on Jeapordy?

Well let's see.
Here are some things you thought you knew (but probably didn't).


A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite..
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
..............Now you know everything, (almost).


- Joatmoaf -

May 22, 2006 at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 15, 2006

The Difference Between The Sexes

Lifeexplained

- Joatmoaf -


May 15, 2006 at 04:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

May 10, 2006

Pi = 3

3.14159...add infinitum.

Where does it all end and who in their right mind would want to find out?
Even the best computers haven't calculated Pi to the last decimal so why should we mere mortals even try?

But if you must, there are essentially 3 methods to calculate Pi to many, many decimals.


1. One of the oldest is to use the power series expansion of atan(x)
= x - x^3/3 + x^5/5 - ... together with formulas like pi =
16*atan(1/5) - 4*atan(1/239) . This gives about 1.4 decimals per term.


2. A second is to use formulas coming from Arithmetic-Geometric mean computations.
They have the advantage of converging quadratically, i.e. you double the number of decimals per
iteration.
For instance, to obtain 1 000 000 decimals, around 20 iterations are sufficient. The disadvantage is
that you need FFT type multiplication to get a reasonable speed, and this is not easy to
program.


3. The third, and perhaps the most elegant in its simplicity, arises from the construction of
large circle with known radius. The length of the circumference is then divided by twice the radius
and pi is evaluated to the required accuracy.

It sure seems like a lot of work for such little (real) return. At least that's what the good folks of the Indiana Legislature thought in 1897 when House Bill No. 246 was introduced.

HB 246 was introduced as an easier, more efficient way to square a circle and it basically amounted to,

Pi = 3.

On January 15, 1897 Edwin J. Goodman of Solitude, Indiana introduced bill #246 to the Indiana House of Representatives that not only legislated \pi =16/sqrt(3) > 9, but also squared the circle and trisected an arbitrary angle.
The bill was passed back to the general assembly by the Committee of Education with the recommendation that it be passed. It was passed on February 5, 1897 with a vote of 67 to 0.

Then, it went to the Indiana Senate. By accident, a mathematics professor from Purdue, C. A. Waldo, happened to be attending the debates on the day the bill was read to the Senate. Needless to say, the professor quickly re-educated the members of the senate on the value of Pi.

Why would they try something like that? Simple.

An ex-teacher from the eastern part of the state was saying: 'The
case is perfectly simple. If we pass this bill which establishes a
new and correct value for pi , the author offers to our state
without cost the use of his discovery and its free publication in
our school text books, while everyone else must pay him a royalty.'"

But that only works if the calculation is correct. As Waldo pointed out.


The roll was then called and the bill passed its third and final
reading in the lower house. A member then showed the writer [i.e.
Waldo] a copy of the bill just passed and asked him if he would like
an introduction to the learned doctor, its author. He declined the
courtesy with thanks remarking that he was acquainted with as many
crazy people as he cared to know.


Here's how Pi = 3

x = (Pi+3)/2

2x = Pi+3

2x(Pi-3) = (Pi+3)(Pi-3)

2Pix-6x = Pi^2-9

9-6x = Pi^2-2Pix

9-6x+x^2 = Pi^2-2Pix+x^2

(3-x)^2 = (Pi-x)^2

3-x = Pi-x

Pi = 3


By that logic, Pi does in fact equal 3...if you're a state legislator.

( From Sci.Math )


- Joatmoaf -





May 10, 2006 at 09:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

February 13, 2006

Guns and Ammo...and Bikini "Babes" Singing Hymns

Hi, I`m not dead and I haven't quit this site, but I did get cleaned out by a Hurricane so I've had other more pressing things to occupy my time.

Things should get back to normal by around June when Hurricane season starts. Ironic ain't it?

At any rate I have nothing to say about current events and happenings in the News because I don't know anything yet. But what I do have is video links. They're Google streams so just click the link and let it play.

This first one is just flat out awesome.
If you like guns, guns and more guns, paste anything that moves, shoot 'em up Gun Fun, then this video is right up your alley.

O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A


At one time there was a Marine's Spousal Unit at this site and she in turn caused other Jarheads to visit. In honor of her and the Marines that she and her Unit so proudly represent I present, Bikini "Babes" singing the Marine Corp Hymn

Ok, Ok, you talked me into it, a little bit of politics then.

Everyone knows of Congressman Murtha and his views on the Iraq War.

He was the darling of the Media in November and you can do a search on the C-Spans website and find just about anything he's ever said on the Floor. What you can't find is the bold, point blank rebuttle to his statement that was delivered by Rep. Jean Schmidt, R-Ohio, but Google has it archived.

Cowards cut and run, Marines never do

After watching it I realized that I could never be a congeressman. Too much pomp and circumstance and polite decorum in dealing with such important issues would eventually cause me to run amok in the middle of some Liberals loud and meaningless speech.


- Joatmoaf -


February 13, 2006 at 10:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBack