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April 18, 2004
The Unbearable Stupidity of Being
A lovely essay on a subject that never fails to be a constant source of amazement to me: human stupidity. Or in this case, college-educated stupidity.
These are the people Scott Adams lovingly refers to as "Induhviduals". For some unknown reason, their ranks swell alarmingly as one climbs the educational ladder. It's as though all that edumacation crowds out all the common sense, leaving an overabundance of what my sons and I call "SAT words" to conceal the fact that, "although the porch light may be on, ain't nobody home".
A few weeks ago I was on a conference call. During the introduction, the gentleman who placed the call introduced himself and the other participants, adding (somewhat superfluously I thought), "four of us are PhD's". Normally I am smoother than this, but there was about a 5-second pause as I silently contemplated various responses.
Was I supposed to respond with my curriculum vitae? Alert the media? Perhaps shrink down in my chair and feel mentally inferior? I couldn't for the life of me imagine what prompted him to mention this compelling fact, but it was to come back to haunt me later in the call. The conversation progressed to the matter that led them to call me (for help - imagine that - a non-PhD!). I saw that they were laboring under a relatively common misunderstanding about statistics that had flawed their analysis. It was fairly simple - had they understood the concept, they wouldn't have made the error. This meant it should be easy to fix and I would be on my way in no time. I started to explain the problem, preparatory to telling them how they could fix it.
I was cut off. "We are PhDs", I was told in a rather shirty tone. "We are quite familiar with statistical concepts". "Ok...." I thought. Most first-year probability and stats students could have pointed out what they were doing wrong, but I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. As it was plain I was not going to be allowed to tell them anything, I took another tack: I started asking questions. This is akin to the old story about the Dell technician who asks the customer to feel along the power cord for kinks, starting at the CPU and following it to the wall. When the customer reaches the wall, she "discovers" the computer would not boot because the power cord was unplugged. No one said customer service was easy.
After about 7 minutes of asking questions, stalking the subject in a general manner and coming nearer and nearer to the point slowly (so as not to frighten the game into flight before I had it securely in the crosshairs), the Great Light Bulb in the Sky finally went on. "Oh....", he said in a puzzled voice. So.... and he proceeded to repeat back to me exactly what I had told him in the first place, before I was so rudely interrupted. Then he paused and exclaimed beatifically, "You see - I knew we could figure it out - we work with statistics all the time".
No one said PhDs are stupid.
Via EdDriscoll.com
- Cassandra
April 18, 2004 at 10:21 AM | Permalink
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Comments
I do miss the Misanthrope Corner, column on the back page of National Review by Florence King. I didn't always follow her, but she has a keen mind, somewhat twisted sense of humor and a southern ladies grasp of common sense.
I can see why your writing has had a pleasant, impatient with stupidity edginess to it lately.
And you say you have no talent for sales, it is my opinion that regardless what is on our business cards, we are all in sales.
Posted by: Pile On® at Apr 18, 2004 3:01:05 PM
You're right - customer service is all about selling the company image and I have no problem doing that - you just treat people the way you'd like to be treated, even when you secretly want to throttle them :) And patience is my long suit.
I'm just not very aggressive - if someone isn't buying whatever I have to say I'll do the dance if its warranted, but I really don't have any wild urge to overcome their objection. And for some weird reason I'm even less inclined if there's something in it for me. Probably stubborness.
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 18, 2004 4:00:38 PM
Make that pride.
It is one of the Great Mysteries of Life why I don't mind doing certain things for a company but I won't do them when my own self-interest is at stake.
I think about this all the time, because I realize I'm an idiot... no, that's not it... because it's part of the reason I don't make half again as much money as I do and it annoys the heck out of me. The only answer I've ever been able to come up with that seems reasonable is that there's nothing anyone can give me that makes it worth it to say certain things.
Why it doesn't bother me to accept a salary to do some (not all - I'm pretty clear about what I will and will not do with my employers and they are fine with it) of this stuff is beyond me - I think it's because the primary reason I earn the salary is not doing distasteful things and I can accept that, as an agent of a third party, I might need to bite my tongue on occasion because I am acting for someone whose philosophy on Life is different than mine.
Because it makes more sense.
But if I were getting the money directly, quid-pro-quo, for biting my tongue, I don't think I could stand it.
Probably doesn't make any sense. Obviously I think about this a lot, but then I haven't been in the corporate world as long as most of you guys have.
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 18, 2004 7:50:49 PM
And that's why this post should have been titled "The Unbearable Stupidity of Being Cassandra".
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 18, 2004 7:52:36 PM
Good God - one little comment, and you reaped the whirlwind...sorry :)
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 18, 2004 7:53:20 PM
Girl, you got some issues, but at least you are aware of them. We all act in our own self-interest, thats what makes things work. It just happens that if I act in my companies interest, and in my customers interests(as long as they are fair and honest)it works toward my own interest.
I am going to talk to my friends at NR, I think you should be writing the back page now that Florence has retired.
Posted by: Pile On® at Apr 18, 2004 8:16:24 PM
as long as they are fair and honest...
And just what do you do when your client is stupid? When you see him aiming a gun at his own foot and he's asking you to help him pull the trigger?
Most consultants would help him do it, because (a) no one likes to have it pointed out that what they're about to do is unbearably stupid, and (b) often their boss is demanding it, even though it is idiotic, so to make the client happy, in theory you should help him make his boss happy.
...and therein, my good Pile On, lies the rub.
Thus does conscience make a coward of Cassandra.
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 18, 2004 8:28:02 PM
I am not unlike I perceive you to be, very kind and diplomatic. The person who had the greatest influence on my career taught me empathy is the most important character of a sales rep. You don't have to agree with a client, but if you can see it from their perspective, you have a better chance of dealing with the situation. Your business is much different than mine, but I try to maintain my position as the expert, they don't have to take my advice, and I may temporarily lose business because of it, but I never lose their trust, and long term I earn the business.
There have also been people whom I have told I don't want their business and told them to go somewhere else. I have never gotten any grief from bosses for it, because I could justify that it was in my companies best interest. In other words I do what I think is right and then I try to bullshit everyone into agreeing with me.
Posted by: Pile On® at Apr 18, 2004 9:08:17 PM
That sounds very like my philosophy.
re: doing what you think is right and then trying to bullshit everyone into agreeing with you.
Fun, isn't it? I like to think of it as an Art Form. :)
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 18, 2004 10:02:44 PM
Funny, when I read your last sentence my brain sees Ant Farm.
Don't know why.
I should keep stuff like that to myself shouldn't I?
Posted by: Pile On® at Apr 19, 2004 9:14:17 AM
Not when it makes me laugh :)
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 19, 2004 9:20:02 AM
I too am very familiar with statistics. I know how to use TIVO and can even figure out my kid's batting average (it happens to be .000, but that is beside the point). I only have two post graduate degrees and I use electricity all the time. So don't tell me how to do my job, little missie!
Posted by: Obnoxious Ph.D., whom you should call "Dr" at Apr 19, 2004 11:27:54 AM
You laugh, but about 15 years ago I worked for a credit card company and one of the most obnoxious calls we used to get was from "professionals" who were bent out of shape that their honorific or title or whatever didn't appear on their credit card. PhD's and medical doctors were the worst, but I actually had an atty who wanted "JD" on his card.
My brother and sister-in-law are both PhDs and they never use the "Dr." - I think they'd bust out laughing if anyone tried to address them by it. Being the black sheep of the family, I'm only a BS but I think I want that on my credit card.
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 19, 2004 12:08:28 PM
If any of you have 'JD' on your card, I'm not slamming you (necessarily...)
It was the total outrage that blew my mind. They couldn't get over the fact that there are only so much space on a CC and fields have to be a certain size because some people have long names, so we didn't have room for an extra field.
Explaining this made no difference - one guy (an atty) went on a long tirade about how hard he'd worked to get his degree. (OK buddy - you've convinced me - we'll change everything) The third time he made this point, it was only the grace of God that prevented me from responding (this is funnier if you imagine John Gielgud sayng it), "And your mother must be so proud of you, sir."
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 19, 2004 12:10:33 PM
Cassandra,
It would be funny if I had that on my cards, wouldn't it. I don't. And you shouldn't be worried about foot in mouth syndrome with me. I am the master.
Example: I remember talking to a partner in my firm (whom I knew when he was a yelled at associate and he was also a good friend), and I kidded (sort of, but not really) that people who try lots of expensive fertility treatments should realize that God is telling them something, like adopt. He then advised me that before I went on I should know he and his wife were doing that (they had one child already). "Well, not in your case of course. People like you should breed often" I replied. We laughed it off because we both spoke our mind without being overly sensitive. He happened to be one of the greatest influences in my Christian walk. Paul Harvey continuation: no more natural children came. He and his wife have since adopted twice. I claim credit.
Back on topic: Anyway ... I also worked an attorney, an excellent trial lawyer, who was known in my office for this exchange (paraphrased) during an expert deposition:
atty: Mr. Snobbyman, what do you think ...
witness: I, sir, am a P-H-D. You will call me doctor.
atty: Look, I have a juris doctorate, but you don't see me walking around with an attitude and demanding that people call me doctor. Now, Mr. Snobbyman, what do you think ....
Posted by: KJ at Apr 19, 2004 2:41:54 PM
You must admit that the visual appeal of having "BS" appear after your name far exceeds that of "JD"...
Posted by: Cassandra at Apr 19, 2004 3:27:16 PM
